Home' The Tribune : February 22nd 2012 Contents 12 THE TRIBUNE, FEBRUARY 22, 2012
with us and get
(06) 355 8781
Read your propertyweekly anywhere!
The Property Weekly is now presented as a digital edition -- an exact replica of our publication online.
You can now access the most recent copy and historic copies of the Property Weekly anytime, anywhere.
Whether you live locally or taking a trip -- you won't have to miss a single edition.
To access your FREE copy visit:
to Friday 16 December 2011
24,000+ copies every w
estyle page 30
ARose Ltd MREINZ
LCENSED UNDER THEREAL ESTATE AGENTSACT 2008
feature proper ty 2
SURVEYOR or PLANNER?
Licensed Cadastral Surveyors and Resource Management Consultants
We provide clear, high quality service and advice on plan changes, land use and subdivision
consents in this sometimes complex and confusing area.
Free quotes, appraisals, an estimate of time frames and initial advice are available for any work.
Parents must be fair to children
Iwas out of town recently
and stayed with a couple
who have two children.
They have a great relationship
with one, the other is more dif-
ficult. They fully support the
first child with a lot of finance,
while the other is in the dog box
-- they feel this child needs to
put things right before they
financially support them.
I have seen friends end up
with lawyers trying to sort out
an estate that has been
managed in a very interesting
way. A couple of the children
are getting it all, while the
other children get nothing.
They are no longer children but
deep feelings are caused by
If there is one quality that is
essential, that is non-
negotiable, for any dad, it is
being fair. This quality involves
being consistent, unbiased and
unreactive to the moment --
treating all the family with the
same rule of thumb.
I don t think any parent
decides to be unfair. It slowly
happens. There is usually one
child who we click with
effortlessly (for a time!). We can
inadvertently favour them.
There is usually one child who
presses our buttons, offends our
way of doing things, and fights
the way things work around
here. We can inadvertently
Before we know it we are
We may feel we are fair and
objective, but perception is
everything. It is whether they
see fairness or whether they
perceive deep inconsistency in
the way they are being treated.
They may need to face conse-
quences for their actions at
times, but you must be seen to
be acting impartially (or expect
ongoing relational problems).
I am not saying it is possible
to treat our children exactly the
same. Some are wilful and diffi-
cult, some are compliant and
easy -- they will have to be
treated as their behaviour
requires. But we have to be
seen to be fair even as we treat
Now I accept life isn t fair. It
is deeply unfair -- we don t
always get what we deserve
(sometimes that is a good
thing!). We can think a bit of
unfairness can help our kids,
but this is not so.
Our children expect us to dis-
pense justice and truth! A high,
yet achievable, goal if we are
prepared to acknowledge when
we fail -- as we will at times. It
is a complicated goal because
children require different kinds
of support and resources. How
do we keep it fair?
However, parents who are
openly inconsistent do not help
their children handle life s
cruelties. If anything, they tend
to make them angrier,
hardened and more reactive.
Given that life is unfair we
should seek to build a home
that is fair. A home should not
mirror the world, it should show
the way things ought to be. It
should whisper deep into our
children s hearts that fairness
is to be valued -- and even
Children and teenagers have
a deep sense of justice and this
is a good thing. Take care not to
violate this deeply human
Links Archive February 15th 2012 February 29th 2012 Navigation Previous Page Next Page